Empty Hand Zen Center

Jason, age 5, and his literal interpretation of the moment of Buddha's
awakening "under" the Bodhi tree, from the first Zen Kids meeting.

By Jason Yunger

The parent-child relationship is a rich area to explore from a Zen perspective.  It evokes powerful emotions and strong attachments.  It is natural for a parent to have hopes and dreams for his children and to think constantly of the future.  Sometimes parents judge their child, compare her with other children, or judge other parents and their parenting skills.  Other times parents wish to hold onto their little baby with kissable cheeks forever, or they long for the days before having children when they themselves had more personal time and space and less responsibility.  Every parent has experienced profound love for their child as well as extreme frustration.

It is hard for me to remember or imagine what the world looks like from the perspective of a young child.  As an adult observer, however, it appears that children are able to develop strong attachments to ideas and let them go in the next moment.  We've all seen children cry unconsolably when they drop an ice-cream cone (attachment to the idea of eating all the ice-cream) only to stop abruptly to go play on the swings (letting go of the idea of eating all the ice-cream.)  I've watched as my children express deep compassion for other people, plants, bugs, or rocks and then turn around and throw a temper tantrum or scream with frustration about something insignificant.

Zen practice is helping me become aware of my own attachments and grasping.  As that awareness grows, so does my understanding of the meaning and purpose of being a parent.  I can observe myself worrying about my child's future or comparing her with other children or with my own expectations.  And then, with practice I can decide if those thoughts are helpful thoughts.  There are two sides to the parent-child relationship.  I would love for my children's awareness to grow, too.

Zoe, age 9, and her collage of the awakening of the Buddha.

The Zen Kids! program at the Empty Hand Zen Center is a program that introduces our children to the ideas of Zen.  At each meeting there is a tiny zazen period and short discussion about the experience.  There is a story, such as the story of Buddha's life or the legend of the hungry ghosts.  The children work with their senses while playing temple instruments and chanting.  A craft project usually reinforces the story and a snack and cleanup end the meeting.

The meeting provides plenty of material for discussion with my children.  It also provides them with opportunities to reflect on their own attachments and become more self aware.  The structure seems to suit them well.  My children have said they like going to the Zen center.  They can't articulate why, but I suspect it is nice for them to go someplace special for the purpose of learning and playing without any judgements.

I love to see children in the zendo.  It makes the Empty Hand Zen Center feel like home, and when I come to sit zazen on Sundays, I don't feel like I'm leaving my own children behind.  Having them there helps me see them, myself, and our relationship more clearly.  My practice has deepened as a result of attending the Zen Kids! program with my family.

Please join us this Saturday, November 21st, from  4:00 - 5:30 PM

Boys and Girls, ages 5-10, with parent

No charge for members, $10 per family for non-members

Please rsvp so that materials and snacks can be provided, (914) 636-1450

 The children made Hungry Ghosts representing their own insatiable hungers during the Zen Kids! meeting.  Photo of Hungry Ghost ceremony altar by Kim Gold.